By Robert Parry

The Hypewriter is an artifact of the modern age, and the subject of many theories and stories. Peeling back the layers of obfuscation and tales surrounding this cryptid is a task that has frustrated many researchers. Considering the nature of this item, more recent theories indicate that this confusion is created by the Hypewriter itself. It is only with the advent of information technology and the move away from the use of mechanical typewriters that a clearer picture of the Hypewriter has emerged.

The first evidence we have of the Hypewriter comes from the notes of the doctors admitting one Horrace Chapman to the Prestwich Mental Hospital in 1925. Mr Chapman was employed in the local council offices located in Bury and had suffered a breakdown after apparently being served repeated cups of “teak” over the course of several days.

Few surviving records of his stay and treatment remain, but they contain at least 23 mentions of his obsession that his office typewriter being responsible for these incidents. Dismissed as delusions at the time, later incidents in the decades since, have led to certain researchers to deduce the existence of the Hypewriter.

The most public incident attributed to the Hypewriter, occurred on the 4th June 1953. This started as a house fire in the centre of Lancaster to which two engines from the Lancaster Fire brigade responded. The engines duly turned up to the location of the house fire with the usual fire officers. However instead of hooking up hoses and pouring on water, they serenaded the female owner of the house with several acapella songs before leaving.

The confusion surrounding the incident, and the problems putting out the fire, hindered the investigation that followed. Two salient facts emerged however: Firstly, several independent witnesses noted that the livery on the fire engines had been altered to read “Lancaster Choir Brigade”; and secondly, upon questioning the officers that had responded to the fire in such an uncharacteristic manner, they proved to be utterly convinced that they were members of said “Lancaster Choir Brigade”.

Cryptid enthusiasts and conspiracy theorists have found their investigations disadvantaged by the near complete lack of any publicly available official records. This combined, with the later closure of the fire station, is often claimed to be evidence of a cover-up. What little information remaining is provided by the few eyewitnesses still living. They recall that questioning the affected fire officers gave few clues as to how this personality change had occurred. More worryingly, examination of documents at the fire station all referred to it being the “Lancaster Choir Brigade”. This included historical documentation housed at this location.

The deficiency of information does hamper the student of the unexplained, but various un-named (and rightfully paranoid) conspiracy theorists have agreed on a few characteristics of the Hypewriter.
Primary amongst these is that the Hypewriter is capable of distorting or editing reality. The changes in the fire brigade engines and the memories of the officers give evidence of this.
Secondly it would appear that these changes are usually managed by altering the name of an object, or concept. In the cited case being the change from “Fire” to “Choir”. Initially this change is only a single letter, but incidences where two or more letters are changed have been spotted.

Thirdly, and perhaps more worryingly, the scale and effect of the changes appears to escalate over time. For example; there are rumours of a pharmacy in Bowerham being renamed a “harm-acy” and then dispensing incorrect medicines and poisons. According to certain accounts this led to a number of deaths. Again, no official documentation is in the public domain to confirm, or deny this. However, if correct then it would appear that the Hypewriter is malign.

Physically the Hypewriter is thought to take the form of an old mechanical typewriter, though it appears to vary as to age and model. The only other common feature that has been noted is that the person using it makes far more spelling mistakes and typing errors than they would normally.
The current whereabouts of the Hypewriter is the subject of debate, but there is evidence to suggest that it is located somewhere on the Lancaster University campus. The strongest piece of such evidence is the alleged presence of the Deceptionist at this institution.